Minggu, 25 Desember 2011

Merindu

Belajar merindu......,
dari kecil cuman sedikit arti kata rindu yg gw ngerti
From elementary school up to college and I've graduate, I just feel merindu pd sepupu, merindu pd sahabat and it was not so obvious. After graduate, Allah give me some lesson about merindu.
Start from my weird wishes, one by one, from the first man, he was my friend in college, I felt care about him, just wanna be with him, and finally I found myself miss him...
˚◦°•Ä¦mmm...(―˛―“) it felt something really bother me, I can't stop think about him, but after all, I guess we were not meant to be each other, he was too quite, I didn't know what he want, I didn't understand at all, and merindu itu hilang berganti dgn sakit. Sakit yg gw rasakan, hingga akhirnya gw coba buka diri to be friends with a lot of human.

Second man, I was found him accidentally. Kind of funny when I think about it. It start with approve as a friend in social media, dan keisengan gw yg berakhir pd penasaran. Who is he any way? What he looks like? What kind of person he is? I came to his life or he came to my life? Dunno... It was just flow away.. Semakin gw penasaran utk kenal dy, semakin menyenangkan membuka dirinya, all about him was so interesting for me. I realize that we were so different, from our habit, our personality, our lifestyle and our friends. In this condition, actually I didn't understand why I ever have relationship with him. All I know sayang gw ke dy sangat banyak, dan sayangnya itu salah dimatanya. Well... This one really punch me back to the big wall of lonely and sadness... I have to survive for a long time. But, now I think, this story would reminds me not to fall again with the same mistake.

The third, merindu padanya tak sebesar itu. That because of I didn't have any boundary with him, for couple months I fall to the cage of waiting him, live in no kepastian. And it was suck. I need words that said I love u, I care about u.. Something that can make me believe his mine. Well... It was just an intermezo in 2010... Hahahha :))) Ditengah ketidakpastian, terjadilah miss communication and end up with rejection from him, it was like I have been dump! Hmmm cuman bisa elus2 dada dan bersabar, tarik nafas dan keluarkan dgn ikhlas. And I have conclusion that we are not meant to be a couple. Period. Close about him.

The fourth, I just felt it for a while, some excited moments that came to me. I really did something stupid and not reasonable at all. Makes me laugh to think about it. I came to him when he was sick at hospital, in the night (it was 8pm) with all my feeling. I just wanted to make sure that he is okay. And the other day, after he was out of hospital, Kind of I miss him, so for the second time of my fool, I went to the place where he stay. I brought chocolate in the bright sunny day, hey the sun hate me or what? So hot that day.. Huufftt.. But I dunno, I just stay with my niat to go there and meet him... Hahaha... :)))
What I'm doing anyway!!! So weird. This fourth end up with he go to makassar and I finally know, dy juga lg dekat dgn cewe lain. Hmmpp... Sudahlah, merindu membuat gw bodoh dan ga bs mengendalikan pikiran gw sendiri. Niat2 aneh pun muncul dan bersliweran, selama gw masih mampu, gw akan lakukan! Gw ga harapkan apa2. Merindu itu membuat sakit otak, pikiran gw korslet, perilaku gw jd aneh, dan mood gw jd jelek...

And hey, I have been dump and Allah give a punch back to me, I have to rejected a man that care about me much.. :((( I felt so guilty... He is a nice man, I know him because he was xboyfriend of my friend, mantan dr temen gw sendiri, ironic I guess... I just try to be nice and end up he loves me???
Oouucchh... I was so wrong! Be Nice to a guy while u are not meant something and end to brake his heart... You... For you, I'm sorry... I heard ur sound record last friday, it made me so guilty, I apologize for what I've done to you... Never meant to hurt you, truly I said from the bottom of my heart. Uhhh makes me sad to remind this.
You are nice person, u will found the girl that ur destiny :)

Wwooooosssssaaaaahhh.... Be careful with this merindu. Self control is the key. Watch out mell.. Until u get married u have to control ur feeling

For my lovely man, you know who u are...
Aku merindumu...
Sangat merindumu... :*

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